It’s been five years and I still can’t believe I’m writing about USB-C. Once billed as the solution for all our future cable needs, unifying power and data delivery with display and audio connectivity, the little reversible standard has achieved its goal of ushering in the age of the one-size-fits-all port. However, USB-C has also morphed into a John Carpenter monstrosity — the mishmash of original parts are now barely visible among the tendrils of its increasingly mushy form.

No matter which seemingly basic function of USB-C we peer into, it’s become an increasingly complex mess of compatibility issues. Whether it’s conflicting proprietary fast charging standards or deciphering what USB data speeds will work over a specific port of cable, I no longer know which way is up. The problem is compounded by the defining principle of the USB-C standard that leads consumers to think everything just works when the reality couldn’t be more different. But at the very least USB-C cables work upside down, I suppose.