Il network statunitense NPR affronta, in un breve articolo un annoso problema: come rispondere ad un amico o ad un parente che ci chiede un prestito?

A chiunque nella vita prima o poi capita di avere un amico o un parente in difficoltà, magari a causa di spese impreviste o problemi in famiglia. Di solito, queste richieste sono fonte di enorme imbarazzo: da una parte c’è la solidarietà familiare, dall’altro la consapevolezza che mettere i soldi di mezzo potrebbe rovinare definitivamente anche i rapporti più consolidati.

La prima regola, semplice e diretta, è di non considerare il denaro un prestito, ma un regalo

The experts we spoke to agreed on this point: Don’t lend money to people. If you have the funds and want to help out, give it to them as a gift instead. That way, you don’t have to worry about the borrower paying you back or what to do if they don’t.

“As individuals, we are not in the business of lending money. We don’t know how to do it because there are a lot of feelings involved,” says Singletary. “That’s why it should be left up to financial institutions.”

Avoid getting into a situation where the borrower wants to “write up a contract or have terms” on their loan, says financial educator Berna Anat, author of Money Out Loud: All the Financial Stuff No One Taught Us. They imply a contractual obligation, which may put a strain on relationships

Altri spunti citati dagli esperti riguardano i limiti: mai prestare denaro se rischia di mettere in pericolo il bilancio famigliare, oppure di essere ben chiari, anche con il proprio partner, su chi sono i famigliari intimi a cui si può considerare di dare una mano. Ma, soprattutto, mai fare da garante

Early in her career as a journalist, Singletary asked her grandmother to cosign a car loan. And her grandmother told her: “Let me get this straight. So the bank, which has way more money than I do, turned you down? Now you want to put my finances on the line?”

“That was the end of the conversation,” says Singletary. Ultimately, she realized her grandmother was right. “I caught the bus until I could save up enough to get the loan.”

A seguito della pubblicazione dell’articolo, la redazione ha ricevuto numerose mail dai lettori, in cui raccontavano le proprie esperienze e gli stratagemmi messi in atto quando si sono trovati nella situazione di prestare dei soldi. Alcune delle esperienze più interessanti sono state pubblicate, aggiungendo ulteriori punti di vista sull’argomento

Early in their marriage, my son and daughter-in-law had trouble making their paychecks stretch — and started asking my hubby and me for money.

I said yes with a couple of strings attached. First, it would only be a one-time thing. Second, they had to keep track, in writing, of how the money was being spent so I could see where the money was going. They were not thrilled with the idea, especially because I would see how they spent their money, but I didn’t care.

The exercise made them aware of where the money went. It only took a couple of months and they were living within their means. They are now doing well. They purchased a house they could afford when interest rates were low.